Domestic Violence in addiction, and recovery.

Domestic Abuse is very common for men and women, while living with a substance misuse problem.
People who will be suffering with co-dependency issues, may not be aware of the problems they
have. This has been known to keep men and women, held in very dangerous, toxic abusive
relationships.

Co-dependency is an illness, normally created in the makeup from a child. They will be carrying the
traits, patterns and behaviours, in to their adult relationships. If the person does struggle with 
codependency, they are likely to stay in an abusive relationship for a long period of time. They will
have very little faith in themselves, lack confidence, suffer from low self-worth and low self-esteem.
They will also put the needs of the other persons before their own. They will cover up for them, lie
to family and friends, people please around the person. In most cases they have suffered childhood
neglect and repeat the cycle of an abusive relationship, and in more cases than not, there will be an
absent parent involved. The fear of rejection and abandonment will still be deep rooted within
them, so they stay. Through the need to find, some love and warmth, that they were was missing
from childhood.

Domestic abuse comes in many forms, there is more than just the physical aspect to abuse. Mental
abuse takes place. The need to control a person around what they were, what they eat, what they
say and do. Gaslighting, blaming the person for their arguments, there is also emotional abuse,
putting the person down, being critical of them, belittling them in public, making them feel small and
not good enough, shaming them. There is also a very punishing aspect to these relationships, the
person will not be able to express how they feel, they will be ignored if they do, or told they are
‘mad’ for saying how they feel. I have heard many, many women say the emotional aspect to their
abuse, was much worse than the physical side of it. When they were being beaten, they knew where
they stood. With emotional abuse you are constant fear, because you don’t what’s coming.

When I was in H.M.P Highpoint in 2001, I came across a girl. She was a young mum, she was 23 years
old, and clearly very different to the rest of the inmates on the wing. When she arrived on to the
landing, even though she had showered her hair was caked thick full of congealed blood. Her hair
was matted, and she her face literally swollen like a balloon, her eyes were black and blue. She was
petrified. She had never been to prison before, I could see this, so I befriended her. Over time she
put some trust in me and confided in me. She had stabbed her boyfriend to death. She allowed me
to read her depths, which are the evidence, and statements about to go before the court. Her
partner had been abusing her in front of their young baby, and just like all cases the abuse was
getting worse.

He came home on this night, and he had started accusing her of cheating. He started punching her in
the face, and head. She tried to leave, as she was leaving he went in to the kitchen and grabbed a
knife. He chased her into the hallway, and cut her on the top of her arm, as she tried to protect
herself. She called 999, in the statements it gave a detailed record of the call. She was screaming
“please hurry he’s going to kill me, my baby is in his cot”. In this transcript, it described her screams,
as piercing, and you could hear son crying from his room in the back ground. You could hear the
partner pull the telephone out of her hand, as she’s begging him to stop. He pulls her up the hall
way, in to the kitchen by her hair while holding the knife to her throat.
She manages to grab a knife off the kitchen side, she defends herself, she then stabs him straight in
to the jugular. He hit the floor grabbing his neck. She told me the blood was pumping out so fast, it
looked like a tap turned on full blast. She grabbed a tea towel and called an ambulance. This girl was
trying frantically to save the life of a man, who was attempting to take hers. She was co-dependent and wasn’t even aware. Co-dependency kept her in this relationship and sadly, for such a young
family, this time it proved fatal.

Not only did she lose her liberty, a girl who had never even had so much as parking ticket was now
locked up amongst heroin addicts and crack cocaine addicts. Something this girl was never a part off
in her life. Not only was she taken away from her young baby. She was grieving for the man she
loved. I see regret, guilt shame and so much remorse. Felling’s and emotions that really didn’t
belong to this girl. She had turned her cell in to shrine to him, and her son. It was such a sad
situation to witness. After 9 months on remand, she was sentence to 5 years in prison for murder.
This girl did not deserve to spend a day away from her child, and her son didn’t deserve to spend a
day away from his Mum.

Most of the women who I spent time in prison, had all suffered some form of Domestic Violence or
Mental abuse. Most not even aware they were caught in a co-dependent using relationship
And of course, for the person is stuck in a co-dependent using relationship, it will be even harder for
a them to leave. They will have a common bond in the drugs. Their heads will convince them that
they cannot live without that person. They will believe they won’t be able to maintain their addiction
without the other person. The person becomes to them, and in most co-dependent relationships,
they become each other’s drug, as well as the substance they are taking. In in my own past
experiences the human shaped drug can be more powerful to you, than a chemical based drug. The
detox from a human is just as emotional and mentally painful, as a drug or alcohol detox.
I have experienced myself codependency in all my relationships, all have been abusive and harming,
in my addiction and in recovery. It all started from my childhood home, the abuse came from my
mum. My Mum is an alcoholic, I lived in constant fear and dread around what mood she would be in
when I woke up. In school I would spend most the day obsessing around, how she would be when I
got home. The neglect came in the form of being forgotten to be picked up from school. where she
would be in a black out at home, she would run out of money to feed us, and some days we didn’t
get much food. If I was brave enough to ask my mum for a cuddle I would run the risk of being
shouted at and told to go away. If I would cry, I would be asked “what’s wrong with me?” I didn’t
know what was wrong with me, or another one of her sayings was “don’t come crying to me, or I will
give you something to cry for”. What I do know now, is my Dad had left when I was four, and I was
suffering abonnement issues from a very young age.

My Mum couldn’t love or nurture me due to the nature of her addiction, so I was suffering from
childhood neglect, and from this age the traumas was setting in. My Mum could have violent
outbursts, she would get a pink hair brush, place me across her lap and hit me across the back of my
leg several times. Sometimes she would make one of my sisters fetch the brush, I remember the fear
and tears in their eyes.
As a teenager the abuse continued, I was forced to work in her restaurant sometimes up to 12 hours
a day, without pay, she has punched me straight in my mouth for running late for school as I was
tired from working late in the restaurant the night before. On that occasion she punched me so hard
she cut both my lips open and they bled for some time. She would punish be by taking my radio
away, at that time my only means of escape from my reality.
My Mum was also verbally abusive, I would be in fear most of the time, if I didn’t get something right
to her standard she would shout and scream. I was never allowed to show any type of emotions, her
normal response “look at the state of you, what are you crying for?”.
Sometimes, due to my Mums drinking problem, we would run out of food, I remember the hunger
pain. Her guilt and shame would over feed us when she did have the money to pay for food. This I’m
without question is one of the reasons one of the manifestations of my addiction problems is around
food. I started to Steele food from a very young age and would binge on chocolate, and sweets on

the way to school. This has since followed me in to my recovery. At the point of writing this article, I
am 8 months in to food recovery.

When I was 17 I had left home, I was staying in hostels. In these hostels were men from criminal
backgrounds. I wasn’t aware of how vulnerable I was at the time. I meet my boyfriend who was 7
years older than me. He took a lot of party drugs such as speed and ecstasy.
I was desperate to get away from my mum, I moved out of area with him. At the start of our
relationship he seemed very nice and caring. With time his moods were changing, and the slightest
little thing would tip him over the edge. I found him shouting and screaming at me over nothing.
Sometimes I was so stunned I would say nothing I was like a rabbit caught in head lights. There were
times I would leave the house, and he would come chasing me down the road, his face would bright
red from the anger and rage he was expressing. He would grab hold of me and tell me I wasn’t
leaving, spit in my face and punch me with the side of his hand. He has headbutted me and left me
attempting to hide bruises on my face, from people we knew. I didn’t know where to go, or how to
leave. I feel pregnant by him, in some of his fits of rage I would cover my stomach to protect my
baby. He eventually got a custodial sentence for another burglary, it was then, I was able to leave.
I’ve since found out he passed away around six years ago. When I found out he had passed I felt
quite sad for him, our son who never knew his father, and his family. I have manged to find some
forgiveness towards him and compassion today.

Within six months of leaving this man, I had met another man, older than me and again with a bad
criminal history. He had severed a six detained for Armed Robbery and there was something there in
my ego that latched on to that. A false sense of protection. He never hit me, but the pattern of co-
dependency was repeating its self. He put drugs before me and would disappear weeks at a time.
Normally ending with a phone call, saying he had been arrested. He was extremely manipulative he
gave me my first bit of crack cocaine and heroin at the age of 17. I do not blame him for my drug
addiction. I would visit him in prisons all around the country taking him drugs, in a desperate
attempt to feel any kind of love he offered. I would wait for his calls and letters to come through the
door daily. My life, and mind were controlled by this man. I just needed so badly to be loved, any
was finding ‘love’ in very cold places. It was mental and emotional abuse, he meets a vulnerable
young girl and he abused her for his selfish gains.

After 15 long years spent visiting, my husband and my addiction progressing, and becoming only
what can be described as out control. I meet another man this time he was couple of years younger
than me. I had meet him in the same hostel as the previous two men I’ve just spoke about. I was
completely and utterly in love with this man, smart, funny and extremely good looking. And again,
had just come out from a custodial prison sentence.

Our using progressed in to something I have never Imaged, there wasn’t a substance we weren’t
abusing, A class C class, and B class we had started to drink a substantial amount of alcohol too. He
moved in to my self-contained room with me. At the start while there was an endless supply of
drugs we got on well. He grew cannabis and that funded our addiction. As his disease progressed so
did his temper. He would shout, chuck things across the room to start with, it was more emotional
and verbal abuse. I loved him, so I stayed. After 18 months I feel pregnant by him.
We moved in to a beautiful home and we cut our using down, for a while life was looking better for
all of us. After my son was born, my partners drug use rocketed again. The outburst continued. The
first time he got physical with me, was in our front room. He came right up to my face and
headbutted me. I hit the floor, and everything was black for a while. He walked out of the home
screaming, blaming, gaslighting and showing not one once of remorse for what he done. I could hear
my son crying from his cot, so I ‘pulled myself together ‘went and picked my son up while shaking,

gulping holding back my tears while comforting him and reassuring him everything was alright.
Things wasn’t alright, not by a long shot.
When he reined home later that day, it was me apologising and asking him for a cuddle.
His aggression and anger grew worse, like drug addiction I believe if you stay in a Domestic violence
relationship it progresses. The shouting got louder, the beatings got more vicious. I was continually
hiding bruises on my arms, legs and face He would punch me in my face and kick me in legs. I stayed
in this loveless, cold, freighting relationship for 7 years in total. In the end I just simply got up and
walked away. I believe if I stayed, he would have caused me some permanent damage as on one
occasion he stabbed me in the neck, with a bottle. The scar is still there today.
But this wasn’t before l had lined up my next partner. My co-dependency didn’t allow me to be
alone, I didn’t know how to be. This time I went to my heroin and crack dealer for comfort. He was
actually a very kind caring man towards me and at the start of our relationship caused me no harm. I
had a daughter with him, after our daughter was born and he was out working I started to drink
quite heavily.

My drinking changed me, in to a person a never imaged. I turned in to my mother, and all my
abusers rolled in to one. I would start arguments for absolutely no reason what’s so ever. I would
antagonise this man to a point I would say such vile nasty things to him that he did react. He kicked
me in my head with steel toe cap boots on after I grabbed hold of him in the hall way to try and
prevent him leaving. As my character changed so did his, he started to control the money and the
drugs. He would tell me I looked horrible in something I was wearing, while a neighbour had
complemented me on what I am Waring. He would control what I was eating, bringing all my meals
to me. I would get called names and reminded of what a bad parent I was. He would ignore phone
calls and texts which is a form of punishment.

I believe from a child whose Dad had left her at such a tender age, whose Mum rejected her daily. I
never felt the love or warmth that a mother or father is supposed to give. I wasn’t nurtured or
taught to grow. I wasn’t taught how to say no, I wasn’t taught morals or values. I didn’t know right
from wrong. I wasn’t taught to love or value myself. So how could I possibly expect to know what I
needed from a relationship? I didn’t have a Dad to show me how men should treat women. I all had
as a child was a very cold, loveless home. This is how much co-dependency was formed. And this is
how and why I stayed in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I had a desperate need to be
loved, and I would settle for the abuse in exchange for the cold comfort I received from my abusers.
Any attention was better than no attention.

I decided I needed to talk to other women around domestic abuse and I had a good response after
putting out a call for survivors of Domestic Violence and Domestic abuse on social media. I could not
possibly use all them in this article. But there were many women, who have beaten, controlled and
abused by men in their drug addiction. The women who responded I see as brave, strong women
who refuse to let their past, or these men have a hold over them anymore. Just the fact they were
willing to share their story with me, tells me they are healing, that they are determined to not to let
their past define them. I’m grateful to all the women who came forward.

The first woman I spoke to is a lady called Leanne.

How did you meet your partner, that you were in a DV relationship with?
A. When I was desperate to get away from my own sheer and utter fear of being alone, and not
experiencing love, warmth and compassion, I looked to him. He was also my dealer. I thought I was
on to a winner.
Q. At what point in the relationship, did the abuse start to happen?
A. I remember 5 days in after a massive session with him and myself. I thought to myself how the
hell am I going to get rid of this man? I was so afraid when we were apart, but I was so petrified
when I was with him.
Q. Were there different kinds of abuse? For example, mental emotional or physical, and gas lighting?
A. All the above, he was violent and abusive to me.
Q. Did you or your partner share a drug problem, what were your drugs of choice?
A. Yes, we did, and we took anything going.
Q. Did he control the drugs?
A. Yes all the time, and by him doing this, I was emotionally physically and sexually humiliated. Not
many people knew what was going as I could hide it very well.
Q. Did you tell anyone close to you?
A. Nobody knew, I made it look like we very tight. But in my heart and soul I knew what was going
was wrong. But I did share with my beautiful therapist what was going on.
Q. Did you go to the police at any point?
A. No, I didn’t. I had been called a liar and a drama queen from the age of ten, for being honest
around my sexual abuse. So, in my mind at the time, the police couldn’t really help me. I was also
extremely messed up through drugs and alcohol. I was in a very dark place. I felt ashamed and just
broken.
Q. Do you have any children with your abuser?
A. Yes, we have 2 children together.
Q. What do you feel can be done to protect women from domestic abuse?
A. Anything going that can help them break the chain.
Q. What are the effects your DV have left you with today?
A. Well, at this point in my life I had fought so hard to find a way out from this man, I know feel
grateful to be out of such a vile, nasty twisted life. I have found love and happiness today with such a
beautiful man, who I never thought in a million years I would meet. It has given me appetites to
work with women, like myself in recovery through yoga, and I feel honoured to be part of such a
vulnerable but strong group of women. My experience with domestic violence has given me the
strength and courage, as well as coping skills to have a say in my children’s lives. Previously he would
have never allowed this to happen. I have a voice today.
Q. Do you feel there is enough support through local services?

A. I only know, that I found someone who I connected with through woman’s aid. She helped me
understand that I am enough whatever life gives me. She showed me strength, and what we can
offer when we look at ourselves deep and manfully. And when we practice love.
I have grown very fond of Leanne in the process of writing this. A woman whose two and half years
clean who’s not only battled her way out of addiction. She has freed herself from an abusive,
freighting controlling man. Not only has she done that, she demanded the right to be a mum to her
children again, and she did this with strength and courage. She helps other women like herself, with
her gift. She has also found a man, that not only loves her, who values her and shows her respect.
She would have not found this person unless she went within and looked at herself. She deserves all
the love and happiness she gets.

The second lady I picked Is friend of mine, her name is Emma.

Q. How did you meet your partner you were in your DV relationship with?
A. We met in a pub. He was working there, and I was out for the night. He seemed so charming.
Q. At what point in the relationship did the abuse start happening?
A. When we moved in together, after about 4 months. I remember the first time he hit me, like it
was yesterday. I had my son in my arms who was 1 at the time and he headbutted me.
Q. Were there different kinds of abuse? For example, mental, emotional as well as physical or gas
lighting?
A. Everything. It started as mental abuse and escalated. By the end he was not only emotionally,
mentally and physically abusing me but also sexually. I had no choice but to have sex with old men
he bought round.
What lengths did you go to hide your abuse?
A.I bought make up concealer pallets, and hid every bruise, I lied to everyone around me, I stopped
seeing family and friends.
Q. Did you and your partner share a drug problem, what was your drug of choice?
A.I was alcohol dependant. He smoked weed.
Q. Did he control the drugs.
A. Yes, all the time.
Q. Did you tell anyone close to you?
A.No. I never dared, I was too scared.
Q. Did you go to the police at any point?
A. The very last time yes. I had no choice, he had broken my ribs and fractured my jaw, my mom
found me collapsed and called ambulance and police. I withdrew my statement, but CPS continued
it. He got a 2-year conditional discharge from court!
Q. Do you have children with your abuser?
A. Yes, I Did, one.

Q. What affects has your DV left with you today.
A. For a long time I couldn’t imagine a relationship where I didn’t get hurt. Then I became very angry,
I still now 8 years on have nightmares and flashbacks. It’s taken me this long to rebuild my
confidence. I’ve lashed out at men for no reason.
Q8. Do you feel there's enough support from local services for DV?
A. No, not all.
Q. What more do you feel should be done to protect women from Domestic Abuse?
This is hard. I think on my experiences, until I was ready nothing could help me. I lied and covered up
for him, I believed I was the problem, I made him angry. I think counselling from the moment abuse
is identified may help, but, a woman won’t leave until she must. For me it was fear, he had made me
believe that I couldn’t live without him, but I was also sure I’d die at his hands. It’s hard, I believe
social services make victims feel bad too, and that only pushes us further into depression and
despair. Maybe they could be of more help, open doors for refuges and not threaten to remove our
kids when we already feel like failures.

Emma Is a valid member of my support network. She has also overcome her addiction and is over
four years clean. She has had a son and has become a single mum. She is another string woman who
has overcome addiction and domestic abuse. And who with dignity and grace fought for the right to
keep her son. She currently is not involved from social services regarding her son. I see things like
this happen, and that’s what makes me believe in miracles. Because that’s what Emma and her son
are, two wonderful walking miracles.

We fight to battle our addiction, we do the work and take a good look at ourselves take some
personally responsibility and start to change. I’m fully aware I have apart in all my Domestic Violence
relationships. First and foremost, I stayed, second, I let my fear rule me and didn’t tell people what
was happening. In my last relationship I pushed and pulled till I got a response.
When I was just over two years clean, I got in to my first and only serious relationship in recover. He
was coming up to 18 months clean, we were at the same point in our step work.
It was long distance and for a very short while, we seemed to work ok. My first warning sign was
when he sent me a message saying he didn’t like me putting love hearts on my comments to men on
social media. So, I said I would work with him on that and stop doing it. I suffer with PTSD so if I was
ever in an episode and tried to explain what was going on for me. I would be shouted at, told I’m
mental, then he would either block me or ignore me for the rest of the day. When I would go to his
and spend time with him he would create arguments. I wasn’t allowed to text him in the mornings, I
had to wait till he texts me. I wasn’t allowed to call or text when he was out with his friends, if I did I
would get a barrage of abuse. He would threaten to end the relationship, taking me hostage and
taking my peace of mind.

Once we had travelled to his through the night, which was a 300-mile trip. He was passive
aggressive most of the journey, huffing, puffing no ability to say what was going on for him. He kept
snapping at me while we waited for a taxi to his house from the station. When we arrived at his, the
place was a bit untidy it was the Christmas period, and he had been away from home, I literally
thought nothing of it and didn’t say anything. He sat on the bed looked at me and shouted “Don’t
start I’m not tidying this mess up now” he walked out of the room and slammed the door. I sat on
the chair in his room shacking, it was 5am, and still dark.

I was 300 miles away from home. When he came back in the room, he did attempt to apologise, but
this man was always sorry, sorry for ignoring me, sorry for shouting at me, sorry for not allowing me
to say how I felt. This man without a doubt was very good at playing the role of victim. He lay on the
bed and went to sleep. While I sat in the dark, still wet from the rain, full off fear, and tears in my
eyes, freezing cold. I had never felt so alone in my recovery as I did that morning. I sat in the dark,
replaying all my past abusive relationships in my mind. The only difference today, this man had
become my drug, and there were no substances involved.
Eventually, it turned out this man was mentally and emotionally abusing me, because he was
deflecting his own behaviours on to me. He was inappropriately texting other women, I found the
messages on his phone. He showed no remorse or regret. I stayed, my low self-worth and low self-
esteem, even after all the work I had done led me to believe that was all I was worth.
My friends were getting frustrated with me for staying. The ignoring me when he didn’t get his own
way continued and the mental and emotional abuse continued. He even admitted to me he was
angry and upset that I had booked a gig without him.

The day this relationship ended was the day he found another woman. On Valentine’s Day this year
he texts me saying “I can’t do this anymore” and blocked me from any form of communication on his
phone. This was also the day I was going to the gig, to see one of my idols for the first time. That’s all
this man ever did, he was attempting to sabotage my happiness, make me feel bad about myself and
tell me I was mental when I stood up for myself against him. Were there times I created drama? yes,
were there times I reacted? yes. And I can look at my part and have offered him an amends. He
hasn’t taken any responsibility for his actions and I’m ok with that. I have learnt to practice
forgiveness towards my abusers. And did I go to my gig? yes, I did, and I had one of the best nights of
my life. He no longer held any power over me. Him ending our relationship that morning, was a gift,
the best thing he ever did for me.

I’ve come across a few women in meetings, who have stayed in abusive relationships with partners
who are in recovery. And you would have never known or would have guessed at the time this was
happening to them.
I spoke with a lady called Sam, she had suffered physically and emotional abuse in her using. To the
point a family member had to call the police. He stalked her, had other women sitting outside her
house to intimidate her. This wasn’t just Domestic Violence, it was mental emotional abuse. She
continued this pattern in to her recovery. She was with a man who had quite a substantial amount of
clean time. He was quite high up on a ‘pedal stall’ in the fellowship she attends. He would control
who she spoke to, grab her, and again shouting and being abusive. Again, it ended in the result of
the police being called. He was never charged, but it was the message he needed to stay away from
her.
Sam is an active member of the fellowship, and a single Mum. She’s caring, loving and kind. And
she’s clean, through all this women mange to keep going forward under the most stressful, harmful
relationships. I’m proud to call Sam a friend.

The final lady who I spoke to has been around over two decades in recovery.

Q. How did you meet your partner you were in your DV relationship with?

A. We meet in a fellowship meeting.

Q. At what point in the relationship did the abuse start happening?
A. Very early on in to our relationship. 

Q. Were there different kinds of abuse? For example, mental, emotional as well as physical abuse or
gas lighting?
A. Mental, and physical mainly.

What lengths did you go to hide your abuse? 
A. I stopped attending meetings, and isolated myself
Q5. Did you tell anyone close to you?
A. Yes, I told people in my support network, close friends.

Q6. Did you go to the police at any point?
A. Yes numerous times I had to call them when I was in danger. I didn’t feel heard or supported by
them.
Q7. Do you have children with your abuser?
A. Yes, we have one child together, and I say unfortunately to that too.
Q8. What affects has your DV left with you today?
A. Kept me single for a long time. Unable to trust. And I can be quite jumpy if someone is aggressive
and I withdraw.

Q8. Do you feel there's enough support from local services for DV?
A. No, not at all.

Q8. How long had you and your partner been in recovery?
A.I was about 8 years in, and he was a few months although he kept relapsing.
Q9. Were you in the same fellowship?
A. Yes, we were.
Q10. What more do you feel should be done to protect women from Domestic Abuse?
A. There should be faster response times, on a few occasions I had to wait over 45 minutes. I could
have been found dead, the abuse was that bad.

This lady is a very important person of my support network. She taught me what unconditional love
is. And allowed me to be loved, and let love in. She taught me values and morals and right from
wrong.
Even after all that hurt, all that pain she can give love. She also suffered Domestic Violence from her
Mum as a child who would whip and beat her. When she came in to recovery, she wasn’t aware that
behaviour was wrong. She believed that’s how people lived.
She is now an active member of the fellowship she attends, and works will helping addicts find a way
out of addiction. She too, like Leanne has at last found a relationship that she is loved, valued and
respected in.

I’m not sure if the mental scars ever heal from our Domestic Abuse, the physical scares fade, but the
memory’s live on. We find a way of not allowing them to affect us in our everyday life. I’ve learnt to
value myself and respect myself through my past experiences. I’ve learnt to be assertive, and I’ve
learnt that it’s also ok to say No. I’ve learnt to place boundaries when I don’t like the way I’m being
treated by a member of the opposite sex. All this has taken a lot of work. I’ve had to go within and
not look at these men’s parts, just my own. Not ask why me? Just learn to grow from my
experiences. Today I have nothing but, love, compassion and empathy for my abusers, and I say this
from my heart.
So why do I forgive them? Because I deserve peace, and they quite simply, they don’t deserve my
power, I can hand on heart honestly say, not one man from my past, holds any power over me
today. I’m free from these men.

. I’m working on my co-dependency, I’m working on my trauma around my mum and dad. Who I
have also found some level of compassion and forgiveness towards.
Do I still feel a need to be loved, valued and wanted by a man? of course I do, I’m human, humans
need love to survive, we are like plants, just like a plant needs water to grow, we need to be loved to
grow.
The difference today, I know longer look for love in cold places, if it comes, it comes, if it doesn’t it
don’t. I have all the love I need, from my children, my sponsor, and my female friends who value me
and nurture me to help me grow. And for now, that’s all the love I need.

By Marie Edmonds